Setting Boundaries is a Courageous Act of Self Love
Hello. Hello! You beautiful human. I hope you're doing well and feeling absolutely empowered today. I want you to know the fact that you are here reading this blog today means you're already on a journey towards your higher self, who is full of confidence, optimism, and most importantly, self love.
Welcome to my blog. I am Ayushi, and today we will be talking about the importance of boundaries and how setting boundaries is actually a courageous act of self-love.
But before we begin, I have a question for you: Tell me if the people in your life right now know how you like to be treated, what is and what is not acceptable for you, do they know that? Well, I know answering that question can be a little bit difficult because nobody likes to disappoint other people on purpose. However, you know, being treated in a certain way that is not okay with us, harms our sense of self esteem and affects our mental health. If someone in your life treats you in a way that you don't appreciate. First of all, it doesn't mean they're a bad person. It's due to the difference between what is okay for you and what's okay for them. What's okay for you may not be okay for them, and what's okay for them may not be okay for you.
Everyone's personal history is different and how we react to certain triggers. How we react to certain behaviors is also very different. And this is exactly where boundaries come in a boundary. Think of a boundary as an imaginary line between you and something else, that something else can be anything. It can be a person, a behavior, a place, or even a thing. Having a boundary between you and that something, that particular thing that triggers a negative emotional response ensures a healthy self esteem and proper mental health care. Setting boundaries isn't a way to get rid of people, but it's actually a way to have healthier relationships without destroying your inner peace.
Establishing personal boundaries reflects the way you take responsibility for your life. You define how you are going to be treated and what is not okay for you. Of course, I know that we can't control every situation in our life, but in personal relationships and interactions, we have the ability to state whether by word or action, that certain behaviors by others will or will not be tolerated. Not having personal boundaries is the complete opposite of self-love because when people in your life, no matter how important they are to you, continue to say things or behave in a way that hurts your feelings. It leads to lower self esteem and emotional trauma.
Unfortunately, setting boundaries is a skill that many of us don't learn. Many sincere individuals struggle with setting boundaries because they think of it as a self centered act. Heard something that's selfish, however, having form boundaries is altruistic, not selfish. Boundaries help you maintain healthy, positive relationships with reduced number of conflicts. Wouldn't you love that?
You know, I have struggled with setting healthy boundaries for years. Up until last year, I was letting people at work criticize my personal life, which now when I think about it and now when I say it out loud, seems absolutely bizarre to me. And I was also struggling with saying no. There have been times when I wanted to stay in and relax, but a lot of my friends wanted to go out and stay out for long. Even when I used to manage to say no, I would feel guilt all night thoughts in my head revolved around the fear that I was a disappointment and my friends will distance me. And that's so not the case today. Today I am able to say no when I need to. I'm able to tell people how they can and cannot talk to me and what they can or cannot say to me. And guess what? Today, I have more meaningful and deeper relationships.
You see people in your life care about you and even they don't want to hurt you. They just don't fully know what is and what is not okay with you. That's on you to set boundaries, that's on you to communicate. And the best way, the only way to set healthy boundaries is by communicating them in a calm, positive manner. I want you to know that you can do have healthy boundaries that boost your self esteem and make your life happier.
For this blog, I have made a structure which is inspired by Vex King's new book Healing is the New High, and the structure will actually help you build and maintain healthy boundaries. So here's what I want you to do:
Number one, I want you to identify interactions, behaviors or situations that trigger a negative emotional response in you. You can list them down on a paper if you want.
And once you've done that, the second thing that I want you to know or do is understand your why. Why is that behavior triggering you? For example, I was feeling triggered when my personal life was brought up in work arguments because I value my Privacy and the fact that my choices are my own. My personal decisions did not affect my work.
Once you know your why, the third thing you can do is write down assertive statements and then those assertive statements. I want you to communicate to the person concerned in a peaceful manner. Now, taking the same example, I would say "I value my Privacy and respect my personal as well as professional decisions. And those two do not need to mix even in casual conversations. So I would appreciate if you do not bring them up or bring up my personal life in a work discussion again." Similarly, I want you to make such assertive statements that are about your boundaries, your values, and what triggers you.
And then the fourth and the most important one is to stick to your boundaries, re-establish and re-communicate. If the person repeats the behavior, let them know that overstepping your boundaries comes with consequences and that's it. Those are the four steps that you can do to set healthy, interpersonal boundaries that will help you maintain a happy life.
If you have made it this file in this blog, I know you're already thinking of where and how you need to set boundaries, and I am proud of you for that. I know you can do this. I know you can lead your best and happiest life. I have faith in you!
That brings us to the end of this blog. I wanted to let you know today that I personally work with business owners and personal brands from all walks of life, all industries to help them with their mindset so they can achieve their dream life and they can build the life they've been planning. If you want to work with me personally, drop me a DM on Instagram or head over to my website and connect with me.